It’s December. You know what that means. We pontificate on the past eleven months.
Previously…2014: 25-21, 20-16, 15-11, 10-6, 5-1 / 2013: 25-21, 20-16, 15-11, 10-6, 5-1 / 2012: 25-21, 20-16, 15-11, 10-6, 5-1 / 2011: 25-21, 20-16, 15-11, 10-6, 5-1 / 2010: 25-21, 20-16, 15-11, 10-6, 5-1
25. The Arizona Inflation Crisis of 2015
Eras in recent New York skateboarding are earmarked by shifts in the lowest of price points. For example: Up until it was phased out in maybe 2003, the chicken cutlet sandwich + can of soda for $2 deal at Universal News kept half the people I know fed. By late-2005, Little Debbie’s line of 25-cent snack cakes had doubled in price. Dollar menus were becoming dollar-and-up “value menus.” Some psychopaths really tried to charge tax on a dollar slice.
And now, the beverage that we lovingly spent our adolescence drinking, and punishing our blood sugar levels with, is trying to pull a fast one. You’re ranting about a generation of kids being homogenized by a skatepark; I’m more worried about the thought that they’ll have to pay $2 for an Arizona tall can, or $1 for 11.5 oz. of one.
24. L.E.S. Park Starts Drawing a Weird Crowd
I know there are all sorts of articles about the endearing allure of skater boys, and that Cara probably got on well with skateboarding’s most handsome participant during their last DKNY shoot, but can someone tell these chicks to not sit all over the ramps at the park? Go over on the back wall by the double set like everyone else. Someone’s trying to skate the hubba dude.
23. T.F. Gramercy Becomes a Spot
Sure, skateboarding in New York may seem like a diamond from afar. But if you spend the years studying the blemishes, and learn how to appraise what this place has to offer, the flaws become vivid. There’s no mark more detrimental to our clarity rating than the fact that two cracks in a baseball diamond have become a frequently traversed destination for us.
22. They Finally Knobbed This Thing
In the abundant history of two-second bust Manhattan skate spots, this one is in the upper percentile of unsuccessful run and guns. People try with every midtown session that still maybe happens, but the notable tricks list can be counted off on your hands. Why? Because they pay a mean guy in a polyester jacket to stand outside during all seasons, for the sole purpose of being mean to you.
In 2015, they figured the knobs were cheaper than his $15/hour. It was also the year when the best trick that has ever been done there, conveniently happened. R.I.P. until some Japanese guy ollies between the bars and lipslides it.
21. Future Drops 56 Nights
Skip the silly MTV “Hottest Rappers” or “freshman 15” lists. The true measure of one’s worth in the #streetz is the car test: are actual humans driving around playing the shit for the rest of the world to hear? Skaters in New York — for the most part — don’t have cars. With the *boom* now graduating from year two of being a standard accessory to many New York skate sessions, it has become the placefiller for the car-test in out scrub-ass lives. The *boom* is how you judge how hot your shit is with the #skaterz.
This year, no chant was blasted as incessantly behind a crew sitting on a police barrier, watching their friend try a trick than “I think 56 nights crazy.” Future owns the *boom*.
Bonus Mini Five — Questions for 2016:
5. Could we possibly sponsor a Tiago Lemos mini part at Gramercy T.F. and who do we talk to about arranging such?
4. With the resurgence of Owl’s Head, will Riverside stage a comeback?
3. What will be 2016’s version of the prominent “instrumental electronic song + Future song”-#musicsupervison decision.
2. When do we begin openly discussing the “Genesis is missing, last seen at Tompkins”-hoax? He was at Zhu’s the entire time.
1. We spent 2015 with minimal frontal embroideries donning the front of our caps. With forward-thinking skateboard fashion houses now abandoning front embroidery altogether, are we one step closer to the logo-less utopia that Dylan Reider once envisioned?