The first installment of our yearly wrap-up series.
25. New York: Home of the Worst D.I.Y. Spot Ever Made
The New York D.I.Y. scene kicked off roughly ten years ago with the Greenpoint Volcano and has been growing ever since. Bondo barricades and Quikrete creations are sprouting up everywhere; the Swedish engineering at the B.Q.E. Lot and the Jersey City foundation stand as shining examples of more elaborate pursuits. However, the spot depicted above is perhaps the first obstacle (skater-made or not) to be so bad that even New York skateboarders, a group that absolutely *adores* shit spots, would disqualify as one. Most alarmingly, this appears to be part of a larger trend of horrendous and unnecessary concrete work in the city.
24. Europeans Utilize SoHo For Something Besides Being Awful While Shopping at Armani With Our Weak Dollar
It makes sense that European skateboarders would gravitate to SoHo’s aroma of Dolce and Gabbana cologne. After all, it is the Euro Capital of New York. Though the Vans Europe team may have been unaware of their molecular draw to West Broadway, one is left to wonder if this affinity had something to do with them being particularly great at skating near it. Most visitors would demote Houston Street barrier spots to cheesy lifestyle wallie shots — these dudes choreographed some of the finest New York lines in recent memory while utilizing many seldom-skated SoHo locations. [Ed. Note: The footage was from summer 2011, but the clips did not come out until the first weeks of 2012. It didn’t happen until it happens on the internet.]
23. The Lurkers Trilogy Ends via a Web Video
The definitive skate video franchise of the 2000s came to a close this year, despite its title insisting otherwise. With about half of the original cast and production team in tact, we were reminded of how fast time has flown since 2004. Even if some names from the originals have retired from actual lurking in pursuit of family, Los Angeles or higher education, the video escaped the fate of many belated sequels (See: Caddyshack 2, The Godfather Part III, Escape From Los Angeles, The Blues Brothers 2000, etc.) by providing a slew of cameos from old favorites and a vibe reminiscent of the first two classics.
22. Portal Tries To Become The Hat, Fails
This Is Not the New Lurkers Video may have avoided the stigma of belated sequels, but the to-go margarita scene in New York did not. Still crippled from The Hat ceasing production of this portable summertime beverage in 2008, evaders of open container laws have endlessly sought an alternative to concealing booze in coffee cups. For approximately two weeks in June, Portal seemed to be grasping ahold of this disenfranchised market at $9 a pop. Until, of course, as in the case of most delayed sequels, people realized the magic wasn’t there anymore.
21. Brian Wennings Quits His “Sponsor” Via Rap Diss Track
In what has been an all-around awful year for skateboard-rap fusion, Jersey Shore icon, Brian Wenning, gave the rap game a taste of its own medicine. No one is sure if Selfish even existed outside of message boards, but in true Cam/50 Cent “The best part of the song is the shittalking at the end anyway”-fashion, Wenning hopped on his rap homie Rich Mahogany’s track (no Green Diamond), and offered parting words to his former employer and Selfish C.E.O., Jereme Rogers. Unfortunately, the video has since been deleted.
While we’re on the topic of skate rap…Bonus Mini Five — The Five Most Cringe Inducing Lil’ Wayne Lyrics of 2012:
5. “Laughing at you fuck boys, skate gear, I’m a truck boy.”
4. “Stop talking that shit and suck a nigga dick for some Truk Fit.”
3. “If she don’t wanna fuck, I get on my skateboard and I skate past her.”
2. “Uh, I’m wildin’ out on my skateboard, she ridin’ dick like race cars.”
1. “My dick stay hard, so suck my skateboard.”