CENSORED Photo by John Roman
While going through some photos of 2008-2009ish debauchery with a friend, we reminisced about this unintentionally brilliant article, which lit up da scene and internet alike in 2009, long before going #viral held the weight it does today.
“You Wanna Date A Skater? Really. Really?” ran on the Miss Behave website in 2009. Miss Behave was like Mass Appeal, but for girls, so it should not surprise you that they went under, and their website no longer exists. Thanks to some careful archival work, we have unearthed this analysis of female frustration with the “skater” archetype, still found in any bar that serves Miller High Life across America.
This is an artifact indebted to its time. The majority of the research was clearly conducted via Lit Wednesdays circa 2008. Should there be an update of this masterpiece, it would inevitably be Brooklyn-based, as 95% of skateboarders unwilling to live inside a Chinatown shoebox have been priced out of Manhattan. This was before Dylan Reider became an international sex sybol, way before people could meticulously curate their #personalbrands via Tumblr and Instagram, and before #trending skater guyz had media outlets like Alex Olson’s talk show to publicly discuss an existence between the scene and the board. Needless to say, the ladies responsible for this article retired from the party (“I, like, don’t even go out anymore.”)
Ideally, there should be an annotated version of this piece that unpacks all of the allusions, but maybe we are better off leaving 2009 in 2009 :(
When man got tired of walking and created the wheel, I don’t think he was aware of what he was doing. Sure, motorcycles make you look cool, fixed gears give you street cred, and lazy fucks like me appreciate a car. But no one could have predicted the apocalypse that was created when some asshole put a piece of plywood on top of four of those Flinstonian contraptions. All of a sudden, every greasy-haired, pizza-faced outcast was getting attention from the hottest girl in school. With a skateboard in hand, you better believe you were gonna be in the closet for Seven Minutes of Heaven. Forty years later, or however long it’s been (like I would fucking know) skaters are still dominating the dating world. I’m trying to figure out what it is that’s making me and every girl I know swoon over the dirt bag who cant even hold your hand because its occupied by his precious board. Lets start with the facts:Tweet