Streets Need That Muska Epicly Later’d Fam

muska

#jersey

Short of maybe an Epicly Later’d with the entire original Zoo York team (that’s never happening), it’s hard to think of one as desperately needed as one with The Muska.

The “Occasionally Awesome” Podcast dropped an episode with Ed Templeton yesterday, which tells the story of a fateful night when Muska got kicked off Toy Machine (at the 31:20 mark.) There’s no candidate equipped to tell the tale of the ~1998-to-mid-2000s “rockstar era” of skateboarding like The Muska. Kerry Getz is cool but he ain’t kick it with Paris Hilton et al in Las Vegas superclubs.

If you were to re-create a less-dark version of Boogie Nights, except base it on the turn of the millennium, pre-high speed internet skate industry rather than the porn industry at the advent of home video, the Dirk Diggler figure would have to be based on The Muska. (The Welcome to Hell premiere night is clearly the start of act two — it’s set up almost too perfect.) Paul Thomas Anderson probably lost my business card or something (I have the treatment ready to go man), but until he finds it, the crew over at VBS really needs to get it together and work some magic.

And let us not forget the time when Mike V. took on an entire security staff so he “could rescue The Muska from the bad guys.” It’s baffling why skateboarders keep finding themselves making these awful, heavy-handed motivational skate movies, when the most cinematic skate career just sits there as an anecdote on some Podcast with Ed Templeton for three minutes.

PTA, my e-mail is on the contact page.

Can you tell the difference between a Portland dock worker or lumberjack and a skater?

The dock worker obviously lacks the mall grab, striped Gap shirt, Clive backpack, anime haircut, and bulky headphones blasting Euro-trash techno and/or underground science rap to have a real resemblance to today’s average skateboarder.

A Guardian article entitled “The Fall and Rise of Skateboard Chic” has been making the rounds on Twitter over the past few days. It doesn’t offer much in terms of things you don’t already know, and is written by and for people who do not actually skate. Its main highlights have to do with referring to Alex Olson and Dylan Rieder as “teen pin-ups,” and pointing out (what we’ll assume isn’t common knowledge?) that Volcom has the same parent company as Gucci. And honestly, all other skateboard fashion news ceased to matter once this headline broke.

However, being the fashionable enterprise that we are, we found various insane and far-fetched points of interests throughout the comments (i.e. “But ‘skate culture’ is the most priveleged, bourgie scene I was aware of growing up.” …where did you grow up?) Ed Templeton (or a convincing impostor) made a point about how it is difficult to tell the difference between a lumberjack or Lil’ Wayne and a skateboarder today, because “the styles have mixed completely.” With all due respect, we must disagree, especially when looking through the lens of our modern, post-flannel society. (Roctakon’s anti-flannel stance from 2009 is getting closer to reality as the years go by.) To prove our point, we called upon the services of Google Image Search to illustrate just how off Templeton’s assertion is.

If you look at Weiss six years ago, and you look at a lumberjack, you would think that maybe Templeton has a point. Then you realize, to be considered a “skateboarder,” you need to skate for more than ten hours a year, and Weiss does not even come close. Therefore, lumberjack = Weiss = skateboarder is faulty by default, since Weiss doesn’t actually skate.

Lil’ Wayne might actually be the closest of these comparisons, considering he has been a pro skateboarder since 1998. He has also probably skated more in 2011 than Weiss has from 2005 to 2011.

On Another Note…since skateboarding is more and more post-flannel, how many years until we are decidedly post-highwaters? Keep in mind that Waka Flocka may have added an additional four years to the highwaters’ life-span.