Skateboarders Should’ve Known Squirrels Were Trying To Kill Us Long Before COVID-19

You have no doubt seen the “earthiest” person you used to hook up with (and still follow) suggest that the current pandemic is Mother Nature’s way of “getting back” at us. That one meme said that the earth has “sent us to our rooms to think about what we’ve done.” (She must know that we’ll be back on our bullshit once punishment is over though, right?)

However, before the undoing of all the good publicity that bats have gotten since the first Batman comic was published in 1939, it was squirrels who fired the first warning shots to a specific group of humans: skateboarders.

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Oh Baby, You’re Being Dramatic — #TRENDWATCH 2020: Expressing Emotion

Everyone has witnessed A.V.E. beat up a street sign, and watched a stress montage or two. But what about the other 25 human emotions? Traditionally speaking, skate videos have not been a place for expressing them.

Sure, friends in the background are allowed to clap and cheer, but a stoicism has always been expected of the person rolling away. It is part of skateboarding’s great contortion of reality: a year spent on a video part is boiled down to three-and-a-half minutes, oh, and dude wasn’t even that hyped on himself when he landed those tricks.

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An Emblematic Document of Our Socially Distant Times: ‘COVIDEO-19’

It is the oldest joke ever told — older than the one about martinis and boobs, or the one about American healthcare.

“How many skateboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”

Ha ha ha! “One to do it, one to film it, and another ten to say ‘Yeahhh!'” Ha ha ha!

But what about during a global pandemic? Suddenly, in the era of social distancing, those ten friends plus filmer cease to be C.D.C-compliant.

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Ain’t No Sunshine

Scan stolen from Chromeball, obvs.

“In a sense, Jeff Grosso’s contributions to the world aren’t singular but part of an entire point of view — one that could reflect how ridiculous life is while also hugging what he viewed as important tightly in secret. That’s an art. The ability to make things like skateboarding that feel so disposable yet life-changing — tricks that last seconds, yet feel immortal.” — A Loveletter to Jeff Grosso.

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A Reminder To Keep Social Distance @ Skateparks If You’re At One That’s Still Open

Photo via @todd__fisher on IG

Update — April 7: All New York City skateparks are officially closed. Yes, you get a fine if they catch you hopping the fence.

Unlike playgrounds and basketball courts, skateparks are not yet officially under closure by Governor Cuomo’s orders. However, we have seen mixed reports on social re: police showing up at skateparks and having everyone leave because of the group numbers.

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