Quartersnacks would like to welcome the NYU, SVA, New School, and Pratt classes of 2015 to the great city of New York, and to the most legendary skate spot of modern time, Tompkins Square Park. We wish you luck in your studies, many lifelong friendships, and an education that will lead to a bright and prosperous future, not a life defined by student loan debt and the mercy of tourists’ tipping etiquette at the restaurant you may be stuck working at five years from now, provided the recent graduate (un)employment rate maintains its current pattern.

But as you pursue your dreams in this city, you should be careful not to impede on the dreams of those who came before you — those who merely dream of maintaining a T.F. governed by order. As with every batch of freshmen who arrive in this city, September is a month when the structural fabric of Tompkins is truly tested. Recent transplants impose their own north-south routes, with little regard for the longstanding invisible lanes that exist in this holiest of baseball diamonds. Start points for flatground are disregarded, and end points are never reached. Chaos soon begins.

Strangely enough, for a place associated with alcoholism and dependence on marijuana, Tompkins has a very good memory. Those with poor T.F. etiquette are rarely forgotten, and seldom afforded the luxuries that coincide with civilized New York City skateboard society. A small window for T.F. acceptance exists, and mistakes are often irreversible. If you fail to make the proper impression, well, you may as well never leave Brooklyn again.

You are in luck if you became aware of Quartersnacks before ruining your chances of obtaining Tompkins’ forrest-green-painted embrace. Below is the ultimate guide to help you avoid becoming ostracized from the T.F. The list of exiles is already far too long. Remember our gesture next time you start ranting about New York skateboarders being assholes…