Maybe the Reason Alien Workshop Went Under, Maybe

alien workshop out of business

The skateboard gossip machine isn’t the most logical thing in the world. Skaters are privy to shortsighted conclusions e.g. “Reider is totally tight with Dill so he went to F.A., Grant is totally hesh so he went to Anti-Hero, and everything started to fall apart from there,” but there is one and only one reason for why companies of any sort cease to exist: money (baby!) When your employees the best skaters on earth start to leave, there is obviously something wrong at the top, no matter how romantic those employees’ reasons for leaving may have been in their exit interviews.

So yeah, money.

Friend of the website and frequent recipient of hate mail from l*ngb**rders, Willy Staley, put resources outside of the Slap message boards to work, and dug into the real financial nuts and bolts of the situation. Using earnings statements, current stock quotes, etc., he pieces together a plausible map of how Alien fell apart: “[Dyrdek] held onto it for just about 18 months, before selling DNA for $1.5 million and some stock options to a Carlsbad-based firm called Pacific Vector Holdings, which is described in the press release as ‘a premier action sports retail and consumer brands company.’ This is, if you can’t already tell, where things start to go wrong…”

Read the full post over on his site before ensuing the “Jake to Polar?!” speculation. (2014’s free agency period might be even more insane than last year’s. Our interns are grinding on them pie charts b.)

And just because, here’s another one from the vault for all the Photosynthesis fans:

Never really been sure of that video’s origin, but [*blasphemy alert*] is it okay to like it as much as (if not slightly more than) these two guys’ actual parts in Photosynthesis?