The Week in Dill & AVE Rumors

the week in dill and ave rumors

It’s ironic that skaters — even if they typically swear against “organized” sports and all their constraints — so openly embrace free agency speculation. Skaters all think they’re artists and shit, but really, are no better than the dude on some message board who knew a guy that knew a guy who swore Lebron was coming to the Knicks in 2010. And that’s what this has turned into: skateboarding’s version of summer 2010 NBA free agency, except add a few years and subtract the fact that Chris Bosh couldn’t Instagram screenshots of texts he got from ‘Bron and Wade back then. If you let the internet tell it, every Alien rider, half the Habitat roster and Alex Olson’s contracts all expire this summer.

Since skaters are mad #core, skateboarding does not benefit from organized sport conveniences, which enable something like a Slap trade machine to calculate data based on existing contracts. We’re left with two guys quitting their longtime team, and a sloshy downpour of rumors regarding semi-related skaters. You don’t know that Dylan Reider is, say hypothetically a free agent in 2014. You just assume he’s leaving because you know a guy who knows a guy and it “makes total sense.” It’d be so much better if teams could sign-and-trade him for Alex Olson and a second round draft pick. Fantasy skateboarding teams!

Rumors, especially at a time like this, can be tough to navigate. This is why we sent our army of statistician interns mulling through the Slap message board to compile a convenient graph of all current speculation, organized by the extent to which it has been speculated on. Pie chart percentages are in no way correlated to actual likelihood. These range from distinct possibilities to obvious trolling (e.g. three British companies somehow found their way into the rumor mill, so…) Feel free to start some more rumors in the comments.

rumorz

28 Comments

  1. Dylan Reider’s Expiring Contract is the new Theo Ratliff’s Expiring Contract.

  2. Jake on Scumco is obviously the coolest possible variation of the rumor mill and the only one that will matter in the long run.

  3. What about the rumor that no one cares about Dill anymore? If they do, why is this news tied up with the names of younger (better) skaters? When Pops was out, no one said shit about his team mates, cuz he was still relevant all by himself. Same with Dixon.

  4. i heard alien workshop is just changing its name to ‘post alien anal probe stress disorder’

  5. @dominic: because theyre starting a new team otherwise the move is extremely perplexing.

  6. This industry “shake up” is just crazy, who’s behind all of this hijinx?!? A better question would be, who cares?

  7. I don’t care about this at all. I actually did not know these two were still professional skateboarders.

  8. completely unrelated but you guys should make a series of the new york noseslides tees with different regions/cities on them, like those fubu jerseys from back in the day

  9. Yeah they must be starting they’re own company it’s the only thing that makes sense. But the comment by “bitchimakillyou” is exactly on point (despite having the stupidest fucking name ever)

  10. Ok, nobody cares that you and bitchimakillyou pretend to not follow wht happens in pro skating,

  11. I’ll make y’all a proposition……Dill can come to work for me at Starter, here in (gun wavin’) New Haven. We’ll make a grip of snapbacks that say some of that swear language nonsense on the front ;”f-ing ahhzum” or whathaveyou. Ya know, the ones the white children at the shopping center wear. I’ll have him workin’ full time, bout 80 hrs a week or so. Then he won’t be bothering y’all with this here nonsense, and he’ll still have enough money to fund his Pellegrino habit.

  12. Fuck all the haters and percolating prognosticating proselytizing protenders: Ave and Dill can do whatever the fuck they want, get off the dick(s).


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