#TRENDWATCH2023 — er, #TEEWATCH2023

Skaters! What is going on inside of their heads?!

For years, marketeurs and admen have tried to unlock the secrets of the skater brain. If skaters are, in fact, the first adopters of everything they fancy themselves to be — wouldn’t the quickest way to a portfolio full of retainers be unfettered access to that well of trend forecasting?

But the skater brain has proved elusive. It is guarded behind a wall of trick jargon, indecipherable slang, and a chorus of YEEEEOO‘s. Even superficial factors can be hard to read. Clothing, one of our most outward identifiers of taste, remains a maze of false starts, confusing denim and broken promises. Something as simple as a skater’s t-shirt can be a mystery wrapped in screenprinted enigma.

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Fashion Takeover — Judgement Day: Skateboarding in 2023

Words by Frozen in Carbonite
Logos by Requiem For A Screen

The Algorithm became self-aware at 2:14 A.M., Eastern Standard Time, August 29, 2023.

In a panic, they tried to pull the plug.

Three billion followers were lost that day — every Instagram account reset to zero. The ensuing confusion wreaked havoc in the skate and fashion industries. Who were the influencers? Did Instagram pros even exist anymore?

In addition, tariffs imposed after the re-election in 2020, combined with a crippling worldwide recession, decimated already-slim profit margins in the skateboard industry. Furthermore, in a Handmaid’s Tale-esque move, the U.S. government went for broke and erected two walls — one on the Mexican border and another separating us from our neighbors to the north. This virtually eliminated both the skateboard industry’s supply of wood and access to Mexican board factories.

A few brave souls fought back. Speedboat runs from Nova Scotia to Boston unloaded decks right off at Eggs. Cesna flights from the Canadian border — some shot down by F-22ss — airdropped pallets of decks onto the bricks of Embarcadero. This barely covered S.F-based pros’ monthly boxes. Kids had to choose between a new iPhone 27 and a new deck for the year. Even pros skated boards until they felt like wet noodles, and could cut garlic with the razortail.

Heads of the skateboard industry held a summit in Paris to develop a plan. They concluded that in order for the industry to survive, it had to partner with another — an industry that had derived, uh, “inspiration” from skate culture for years.

Fashion, baby!

For the skateboard industry to continue, its leading brands had to merge with the dominant fashion houses. What follows are their teams and brand narratives.

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The 2018 Dime Glory Challenge A.K.A. Montreal Fashion Week

The Dime Glory Challenge has been compared to Wrestlemania, it has been called an antidote to Street League, and a joke in the face of skateboarding’s road to becoming an Olympic sport. I have heard colleagues echo my sentiments about Dime being the only company whose ideas are worthy of jealousy. “You know that one Dime video where ___” is a frequent refrain among many of our peers.

How do you write about something that everyone is unanimously in love with for the third year in a row without veering into trite redundancy? Why is it impossible to see anyone who doesn’t like Dime as anything but a shameless contrarian?

Last Saturday, we woke up so excited that we showed up to the Challenge at noon, only to learn that it would not begin until 3 P.M. Our moderately day-drunk sights set on our fellow attendees: only a week removed from #NYFW, a buzzed “wouldn’t it be funny” soon turned into asking strangers for pictures of their outfits to pass the time and break some ice.

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‘No Idea’ — The Full-Length Alltimers Video, is now live

It was mid-July 2017, hot out, and we were in an air conditioned bar enjoying some adult beverages. Ben Blundell walked in with some fire Celine glasses at 11 P.M., and a conversation that centered around how the skeleton of the inaugural Alltimers full-length was taking form, drifted towards another fashionable subject: fashion itself.

Even a year removed from MadeinTYO’s sleeper hit, we began to talk about Gucci polo shirts. Then, an offer was made. E.T. had to film a full-length video part, and in return, his sponsors would purchase him a Gucci polo as a reward.

If you want to be technical about it, Torey did in fact make him promise that it would be “the greatest skate video part of all-time.”

But what IS “time?” Recent research has indicated that time — not money — is the 21st century’s greatest commodity. Are you really going to waste it thinking about all the other video parts that came before it? Is E.T’s part in the Alltimers video better than Guy in Mouse? Is it better than Jason Byoun in Life is Goodie?

You’re really going to spend the world’s most precious commodity on those fickle questions? No, hopefully, you’re not an idiot.

Alltimers’ first full-length features full parts from Etienne “Gucci Polo” Gagne, Dustin “Skater You Would Be Most OK With Your Daughter Dating” Henry, and a shared part from Tyler Warren and Ben Blundell.

Appearances from Adrian Vega, Will Marshall, Dan Ericson, Brian Delaney, Zered Bassett, Conor Prunty, Adam Zhu, and Charles Rivard.

Previously: Best Idea, #myalltimers, Pickle Time, She’s Garbage