An Orb Descends Into the East Village — A #tfreport Special Report

Words by Zach Baker

ET is in town, so he was special guest at the warehouse, which was exciting. Anything different at the warehouse is exciting. He wanted to go to Hoboken skatepark afterwards, so we did.

We bought a 12-pack of Modelo on Washington Street, and then I showed ET where they invented the Jersey barrier. We jumped the fence at the park, got kicked out, and then chilled with this brolic scooter kid on the pier until it rained.

We sat in the car and waited for his girlfriend to pick him up, while I drew the skatepark.

Then, I went to the city to meet EJ at Tompkins. It was like 6.

Strange enough, E.J. was at L*cien, so I skated by myself until he came back with Kevin Tierney. It was weird in there.

It had just rained, so no skaters were on deck — just some weirdos kicking a flat soccer ball at the cones that skaters brought over. They were like the kind of teens you’d find in Jack Greer’s T.F. movie, painting cigarette packs with nail polish or some shit. Meanwhile, these two bros jogged in with this giant, thick plastic, semi-dome and plopped it in the middle of the park. It was like six feet in diameter, five feet tall.

“Do whatever! Fuck it up! We’ll be back for it!” They ran back out.

The weird soccer kids were giving advice about how to keep it from sliding. E.J. got inside it, and then we got scared about the potential lack of oxygen. The bros came back, got in it and hot boxed it. Then they flipped it over and were rolling around. Experimenting. There was a man with a nice camera taking flash photos of them. The whole thing felt very, very Burning Man.

A number of people came in from the sidewalk and asked about it. They wanted to know if they could have it. The bros played around in it til well after dark. Then a man sauntered in and seemed to scare them all off. He got in and lazily oscillated, laying on his stomach. Then he just laid still for a while. After about an hour, he picked it up and walked out with it. At this point it was 10:30 at night.

I will say for certain that only me and Kevin Tierney skated this thing. It’s the most unique thing I’ve ever seen at T.F.. It was honestly a stressful time, and a testament to the fact that this pandemic has amplified and shone a light on everything that is broken in our society.

9 Comments

  1. fuck outta here with your elitist skateboarding perspective
    atticus -homie born and raised in the evill that skateboards- blessed the tf with the orb
    it was raining so i left the board at home
    you coming from bushwick to my hood which is why you gotta have that board on you all day

  2. sorry to anyone i upset other than the guy who owns l*cien. but he’s prob not upset. i doubt he knows how to read. but yea, not tryna shame anyone for not being a skater. i don’t think it’s weird to not skate, and i think it’s cool to be weird. can one of u evill OGs ask the homie atticus where he found this thing? again, i meant no offense to anyone other than the kid whose dad bestowed the restaurant l*cien unto him.


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