#TRENDWATCH2015: Possibly Falling Into the East River

rodrigo seaport

Dime’s re-appraisal of Joe Valdez’s legacy has New York skateboarders living closer to the edge, just hoping that Thrasher doesn’t blow it again.

The Courthouse is a bust, it takes months of research to discover a Black Hubba N.B.D., and all the tricks on the Bronx bank-to-ledge are starting to look the same — how do you grasp the attention of the jaded skateboard-viewing public in 2015? How about risk a potential bath in what Jerry Seinfeld once described as “the most heavily trafficked, overly contaminated waterway on the eastern seaboard?”

Ever since its ascent to premier spot status, the main gripe about Chinese Seaport has been its resemblance to a skatepark. It’s not enough for a perfect ledge spot to exist in lower Manhattan, MFA-weilding skateboarders are still weary as to whether or not the spot is #legit. “I can’t film here man, I might as well put L.E.S. Park clips in my part. Let’s go up to 20th and C and skate some rocks.”

While staring into the deep abyss that is Brooklyn, someone found a hack to make Chinese Seaport #legit. You don’t skate the ledges at all (gross, that’s for skatepark kids!) You skate the railing, off the ledge, risking a fifteen-foot plummet into the brown bog water that separates Manhattan and Kings county.

jason

Some research revealed that the East River is not nearly as polluted as it once was, rendering it perhaps a few notches below Valdez on the skateboard trick #legitimacy scale: “The East River has an unattractive, greenish tint, and a few floating Doritos bags, sure. But on most days, the levels of bacteria meet federal safety guidelines, according to state and local officials. Even when the bacteria levels in the water are high, it’s unlikely that swimmers will get sick. If they do get sick, the severity will probably be more along the lines of eating bad Chinese food.” …and everyone knows swimming exercises every bone in the body.

If things go wrong, there’s a chance you might, like, disappear, but that’s apparently not much of a risk when paired against the prospect of an A.B.D-free Manhattan skate spot ;)

max seaport

east river

All sticker packs were shipped last night. If your email was sent before 2:32 P.M. New York time, you should be getting one. Have a good weekend.

Previously: A History of Skateable Seaport

6 Comments

  1. Phelps slept!

    I wonder what he wanted for that list… start some sort of go fund me.

    Valdez picks the spots and kids go to SF to do em then he gets a cut.

    Thrasher gets all the likes

  2. you don’t gotta tell me the bacteria levels ain’t that bad, i swam across the dang thing the past two summers!

  3. It’s New York County, not Manhattan County.

    Honestly, kinda feelin that shuv off the railing. Love super flat shuvs like that. Looks like it was fun, aside from the stoops highwire antics.

  4. ya know, i dont think thrasher slept on anything. Hes a skateboarder not a nfl player, if you want to get paid to do crazy shit, do the crazy shit to get paid. wtf is this grant money for things you want to do, this aint research


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