If you live in/around New York, or visited here in the past two months, you have inevitably tried to skate the new Seaport spot at least a dozen times. What brand of logic decides to build something covered in one obstacle completely inherent to skateparks (ledges with flush metal lips that only appear on the exterior of the planter, not the part facing the dirt), only to prohibit the activity that it is best-suited for (even indirectly), is beyond anyone’s wild guess. The most useful recent analogy has equated the existence of this spot to building a basketball court in the middle of downtown Manhattan, and placing security there to kick people out whenever they show up to play ball.
The guards at this specific spot have also had the audacity to suggest that we go to “that park under the Manhattan Bridge.” Even with the imperfect ground, this park is better than any skatepark in New York, except maybe Astoria.
In light of the inane rules that govern this place, and the elaborate narratives as to why you cannot skate a place covered in architecture that otherwise exists for the sole purpose of skateboarding, here is a comprehensive list of excuses the people in charge of security here have used (i.e. people whose entire employment derives from kicking out skateboarders.) Please feel free to add any lies that you have been told to emphasize how stupid they look.
“You can only skate here before 4 P.M.”
“You can only skate here after 4 P.M.” (It became obvious that the respective guards that told such lies were simply relegating the kickout of skateboarders to the person proceeding their shift.)
“The mayor is supposed to do a ceremony here for 9/11, and they want the park looking nice. You can skate here after the 11th.” (So, why exactly is the mayor doing a 9/11 ceremony ten blocks from the site of 9/11?)
“The lady who built this has a son who’s a skateboarder, you’ll be able to skate here all you want after they finish it.”
“After they finish building the part at the end, you’ll be able to skate here, you just have to wait until it’s finished.” (Wait, so we cannot skate the 90% of the park open to the public now, but we’ll be able to skate all of it when the remaining 10% of it opens?)
“It may look like a skatepark, but it’s not a skatepark.”
“The noise bothers the dogs [in the adjacent dog park], so you can’t skate here.” (Someone punch these people raising dogs who cannot ignore skateboard noise in the noisiest and most crowded city in the country.)
“Someone [singling out a guy on his Macbook with an iPhone plugged in and headphones on with his back to the waterfront] complained that you were making too much noise, so you can’t skate here.”
Other notable rumors:
Rob Campbell helped build this place. (Unfortunately, this is not true.)
California Skateparks poured the concrete for the ledges.
A prominent downtown skateboarder’s mom designed the park.