‘It may look like a skatepark, but you can’t skate here’

If you live in/around New York, or visited here in the past two months, you have inevitably tried to skate the new Seaport spot at least a dozen times. What brand of logic decides to build something covered in one obstacle completely inherent to skateparks (ledges with flush metal lips that only appear on the exterior of the planter, not the part facing the dirt), only to prohibit the activity that it is best-suited for (even indirectly), is beyond anyone’s wild guess. The most useful recent analogy has equated the existence of this spot to building a basketball court in the middle of downtown Manhattan, and placing security there to kick people out whenever they show up to play ball.

The guards at this specific spot have also had the audacity to suggest that we go to “that park under the Manhattan Bridge.” Even with the imperfect ground, this park is better than any skatepark in New York, except maybe Astoria.

In light of the inane rules that govern this place, and the elaborate narratives as to why you cannot skate a place covered in architecture that otherwise exists for the sole purpose of skateboarding, here is a comprehensive list of excuses the people in charge of security here have used (i.e. people whose entire employment derives from kicking out skateboarders.) Please feel free to add any lies that you have been told to emphasize how stupid they look.

“You can only skate here before 4 P.M.”

“You can only skate here after 4 P.M.” (It became obvious that the respective guards that told such lies were simply relegating the kickout of skateboarders to the person proceeding their shift.)

“The mayor is supposed to do a ceremony here for 9/11, and they want the park looking nice. You can skate here after the 11th.” (So, why exactly is the mayor doing a 9/11 ceremony ten blocks from the site of 9/11?)

“The lady who built this has a son who’s a skateboarder, you’ll be able to skate here all you want after they finish it.”

“After they finish building the part at the end, you’ll be able to skate here, you just have to wait until it’s finished.” (Wait, so we cannot skate the 90% of the park open to the public now, but we’ll be able to skate all of it when the remaining 10% of it opens?)

“It may look like a skatepark, but it’s not a skatepark.”

“The noise bothers the dogs [in the adjacent dog park], so you can’t skate here.” (Someone punch these people raising dogs who cannot ignore skateboard noise in the noisiest and most crowded city in the country.)

“Someone [singling out a guy on his Macbook with an iPhone plugged in and headphones on with his back to the waterfront] complained that you were making too much noise, so you can’t skate here.”

Other notable rumors:

Rob Campbell helped build this place. (Unfortunately, this is not true.)

California Skateparks poured the concrete for the ledges.

A prominent downtown skateboarder’s mom designed the park.

27 Comments

  1. Actually, If Im not mistaken, Leo Heinert’s mom designed that park and he said it wasnt a skatepark but it would be skateable. I mean, I may have been fucking high when I thought I heard him say that, but I coulda swore thats what he said before the ledges were even built. Can someone confirm this?

  2. In all my medium-limited travels, this has got to have been the single place most built to be exactly perfect for skateboarding. I felt like I was on Candid Camera or something the first time I saw it. Like it was a joke or a dream.

    I mean, many places get built that seem oddly suited for skating, but this spot takes the cake.

    Knock on wood, but what’s the over/under on how long it takes for them to KNOB THE ANGLE IRON? That’d be theater of the Absurd to the nth degree if that (hopefully never) happens.

  3. My last trip up there we rolled through here and started skating around 9pm. We were skating for roughly 10 minutes before the two security guards rolled up and told us skateboarding was not allowed here and it was NOT a skatepark. A heated debate insued where I kept pushing the fact that these were built to the exact specifications of a perfect skatepark ledge.

    Security’s rebuttle was this: “The ledges are built with angle iron to prevent damage to the concrete edge, if it were just a concrete edge skateboarders would still skate the ledges and they would wear down fast and become a rounded, chipped, wax soaked ledge like all the others in the city. This way the ledges will keep their edges and wont become worn down by skateboarders.”

    and my response: “so you’re saying they were built keeping skateboarders in mind, and we should be allowed to skate it”

    security: “you guys need to leave now”

  4. Let’s build a dog park at 12 & A with free wireless & a coffee bar, then have everyone kick out anyone with a dog or a macbook.

  5. they will be skate stopped within 2 maybe 3 weeks weeks i bet…. get your licks in……kinda like vans coming to brooklyn and building a bowl after we lost autumn bowl and not letting anyone in ever unless your a or b listers…. isnt it fun watching 50 people try to skate at the same time…2am on sounds like the plan….word to donkey kong!

  6. @pp51dodo: the house of vans is the “SoHo House” of skateboarding, it doesn’t matter how exclusive they try to make it seem it’s still gay as fuck.

  7. the big daytime security guard said we were jeopardizing his career by not leaving when he told us to, then went on to say he would cut somebody- implying that he wouldn’t get fired for that.

  8. I skated there for 3 hours the monday after the hurricane and there was no security in sight the whole time. It was glorious.

  9. skated there for a solid hour and a half before getting the boot, security guard told us that before 430 we can skate, idk, but we got a good session in

  10. “just tell the security guards to fuck off. that usually works for me”
    What about spitting in the security guards face, did that work?

  11. Passing through midtown I notice, the rail on fedex ledge is ripped halfway off and bent back. What does this all mean?!?

  12. clem you actually are retarded that makes a lot of sense that they would do that. its true we do ruin ledges and chip them and wax them up. if they were just cement we still would skate them so they figured to make it with angle iron so they don’t get destroyed as bad and eventually skate stop them which they just started doing


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