The Day Skateboarding’s Holiest Annual Tradition Was Corrupted

It’s interesting how quick the consensus on this year’s One in a Million changed. In less than a week, it went from “These kids are all boring, have no personality, and say ‘like’ a lot,” to “I can’t believe they eliminated my favorite skater in the whole thing! Slap is a joke! Lurker Lou sucks!” and a YouTube like v.s. dislike ratio typically reserved for J. Cassanova videos (shout out to RE1000.) In other words, “Damn there are no dickheads this year…I miss Forrest,” to “Lurker Lou is such a dickhead! I’m gonna go hit the thumbs down button on all his video parts!”

Knowing next to nothing about reality shows (shout out to Jersey City), it still wouldn’t be far-fetched to assume there are thousands of heated arguments on YouTube pages of America’s favorite reality stars getting axed too early or unfairly. It’d also be fair to assume most reality show producers judge the success of their shows based on how much people debate their outcomes. Go look at the YouTube page for the latest episode of OIAM to see how that’s turning out. Pretty sure its view count has been significantly bolstered by people returning to argue about stupid shit. Everyone debating the sanctity of a reality show sponsored by Mountain Dew needs to relax.

After you’ve taken a deep breath, and come to terms with the fact that skateboard reality shows and the fates of a dozen kids who got an all-expense-paid trip to New York and free product are not that serious, watch the clip below. It’s a bunch of street footage from some of the One in a Million kids, filmed mostly downtown. That kid Matt Militano, who’s life might be forever scarred because he was eliminated from One in a Million, has a lot of sick stuff. He skates a bit like Stefan Janoski, but with a weirder trick selection.

[ATTN: People afraid of sports, the clip below has actual skateboarding in it. Don’t be dissuaded by the thumbnail.]

It’s edited to the sounds of Allan Houston’s game-winning play from the 1999 playoffs. With the Knicks on track to being the 8th seed this season, we could definitely go for a bit of history repeating itself. Now, we can talk about reality shows, or Jeremy Lin…Let’s focus on Jeremy Lin for now.

P.S. You should watch a Lurker Lou part before complaining on the internet about how he sucks at skating.