Caption Contest: Alex Olson, AARP Volunter

alex nike commercial

Friday night updates aren’t the best idea, but oh well.

The above still is from the new, cameo-studded commercial for the Koston 2 (or Koston 11, depending on how you want to look at it.) While we wait for Kyrie Irving to make a skate commercial cameo in Uncle Drew form, please come up with the best possible caption for the exchange depicted above and post it in the comments. Winner gets a board (not sure which company yet, but there are definitely a few lying around here) and a QS tee (depending on your size, you might need to wait for the next batch.) If you’re seriously entering, please use your real e-mail. If you’re just trying to be funny or stupid, feel free to use a fake, but note that we cannot contact you back off a fake e-mail. This is only open to people in the United States due to shipping costs. If you’re from elsewhere, feel free to be stupid below as well. Nothing (too) offensive, homophobic, racist, etc. You have a few days.

Need some inspiration? “I don’t understand, do I put off a gay vibe?”


  1. No grandma, you don’t have any grandchildren yet, dont plan on having any either.

  2. “C’mon sonny, I’m not trying to get down on you, I’m trying to light a fire under you…oh dear, I mean, do some flip in, flip out shit? Wait, are you ‘Frost?'”

  3. “Thanks for coming up with all my tricks in pretty sweet. The youth just doesn’t understand”

  4. “If you get in the way of my skating again, you will be more than bed-ridden Cloris.”

  5. ‘you should come check out my art show if they ever let you out of here. i’m actually djing after.’

  6. “im not wearing my dentures. from what i’ve heard its supposed to feel like the real thing.”

  7. im sorry alex, there’s no way you did the same trick as your negro friend stevie on the higher step. you know they jump higher than you!

  8. Alex: Is that all you need?

    Grandma: No, can you help me switch?

    Alex: Switch what?

    Grandma: My diapers

    Alex: OOH sure phew. (says to himself) “good thing she doesn’t skate”

  9. “Alex, now that I’ve had lunch its your turn to eat something, it’s not quite a bouquet of roses these days but I used a sweetspot so I’m sure you wont mind”

  10. “oh alex, there is… one more thing you can do. let me draw you wearing your chic skater turban… wearing only your chic skater turban”

  11. “Alex, don’t let the stress get to you! I understand – last night I focused my bed pan.”

  12. “I told you no one gives a shit about the Nets, I want to watch Maury.”

  13. *old shakey voice*
    “Why thank you young miss, now where was I? Ohh yes, your father really could make a girl feel like a woman, he could always push the right buttons. A brutish man he was, yet so loving and delicate when he’d touch my young flesh. Some day, you’ll find a man like that to sweep you off your feet, some day…”

    Alex: *in deep thought*

  14. “Alex, I just want to see you dance shirtless to Boys Noize one more time before I die.”

  15. Your so sweet! I wish my football playing turd of a grandson was kind like you queer skateboarders.

  16. “okay i brought you your tea, now please don’t post that naked photo, i don’t wanna end up like johnny layton.”

  17. Sure, your part was fair, but Dane Burman already did a kickflip backlip 270 on a cooler ledge than every bench in LA

  18. Alex-” Would you like some tea?”
    Grandma-“No, not never. You should too.”
    Alex-“Really Grandma? You consciously said that? When Was the last time you actually had FUN?? When was the last time you weren’t a BITTER OLD SPOILED FUCKIN FOSSIL. You don’t like tea I get it. But im not gonna stand here and let YOU INVALIDATE ALL THE COUNTLESS HOURS OF HARD WORK STEVEN BERRA PUT INTO SCIENTOLOGY AND MAKING THIS FUCKING TEA.
    Grandma-” Fuck that nigga, shouts out to BRONZE. (reveals very rare bronze t-shirt)

  19. Elder- Alex, did he crumble any crackers in it?

    Did he crumble!? Any crackers? In it!?

    Alex- As a matter of fact, he did.

  20. Oh my goddd! How do you get your hair that way? Ive been telling my daughter to use more product but she just doesnt listen!

  21. “Thank you for the tea honey, these pretzels were making me a little thirsty.”

  22. OLD WOMAN:
    show me your stomach!

    Alex walks off screen and apparently lifts up his shirt.


  23. “If you threw a party, invited everyone you knew,
    you would see the biggest gift would be from me,
    and the card attached would say, thank you for being a friend.”

  24. Alex: In the 70s, all the pros hated contests

    Granny: no they didnt?

    Alex: phil shao is my favorite skater, especially his santa cruz part

    Granny: But thats not the 70s.

    alex: yeah, i mean, what?

    Granny: Son, you werent even alive when all of this happened.

    Alex: Im so over serving you food grandma, im only doing this for the photo-op! GOD!! FUCK THIS!!!!!

  25. This is the longest my hair has ever been, and consequently this is the sexiest I have ever felt. –Alex Olson

  26. Alex, I can’t drink that tea, that stuff makes my asshole run like Dylan to a Prada sale.

  27. “Got you, bitch”

    (she had bet her bingo winnings he couldn’t do a kickflip backlip front 270 out)

  28. No obvious standouts, and unfortunately J.R. Smith did not leave his actual e-mail. Might have to do a random drawing to select a winner. You’ll be notified via e-mail.

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