Have you heard about this hip, popular new sport called volleyball?

“This isn’t a skatepark, you need to leave.”
“Well the skatepark is closed and doesn’t have lights on after dark.”
“You still need to go.”
“Why does the volleyball court have lights and stay open after dark, but the skatepark doesn’t?”
“I don’t know, you should ask Hudson River Park Trust that, but now you need to leave.”

Did you know that volleyball is the fastest growing sport in New York? Demand for volleyball continues to rise, and the city responds by building manmade plots of sand on the waterfront, decking them out with gigantic spotlights that stay on until midnight, so volleyball players could enjoy seven hours of playing time after work.

And it also makes perfect sense that the nearby skatepark they built — the one that Hudson River Park Security loves to point in the direction of when kicking you out of here, here, here, here, or here — doesn’t have lights, and its gate is locked as soon as it gets dark. Seriously, how many people skateboard in New York, like thirty-five, MAYBE forty? That’s opposed to at least 2.5 million volleyball players. Why would the city waste precious electricity in the midst of a budget deficit for the thirty-five remaining skateboarders in New York, when there are millions of volleyball players that need it so much more? Plus, everyone knows that skateboarders aren’t responsible enough to exist in a place designated for skateboarding after dark, given that they are all drug-dealing rapists.

So next time you’re skating Three Up Three Down or Battery Park after 7 P.M. and a Parks employee reminds you that your spot of choice “isn’t a skatepark” (the skatepark being the sole athletic facility besides the children’s playground without lights on after dark on the entire downtown waterfront), remember that America is a democracy, and the volleyball players, given their massive numbers, earned those lightbulbs. Focus your board, put on some suntan lotion (for the spotlights), and go for a few pick-up games of volleyball.


  1. doesn’t this entire post go against the usual ‘parks don’t replace spots’ logic that gets championed on here?

  2. The only reason the Jersey City rink has lights is because it was a hockey rink. There are also 2.5 million rollerblade hockey players in Hudson County.

  3. Here in Toronto, it’s all about tennis courts. Most of them have membership dues but even the public ones have lights on til 11pm and they’re empty at night.

  4. Parks don’t replace spots, and the Tribeca Park still sucks. The point here is don’t tell us to “go to the skatepark” when you damn well that shit won’t stay open after dark, especially when a volleyball court does.

  5. This was badly in need of being written. It’s ridiculous that there are no lights – especially come winter time when it gets dark at 2 in the afternoon. Even at shitty McCarren, the only light comes from the track across the street.

    I’ve only been to the Chelsea park a number of times, but they always closed well before it was truly dark – basically as soon as the sun hits the horizon, dudes in green roll up, with smiles on their faces of course. Fucking lame.

  6. Someone posted a Facebook comment saying “Hudson River Trust thinks all skateboarders are 12-years-old,” and that pretty much sums it up.

    Why else would basketball/volleyball/mini-golf/whatever else besides the playgrounds and the skatepark stay open after dark?

  7. My fear is that their inclination to not provide adequate lighting and close before dark has been based less in ignorance of skateboarding and more due to bullshit “community concerns.” There are those who would make the argument that skateboarding is louder than a bunch of bros getting in a fight over a softball game – this has yet to be proven categorically, nonetheless I imagine it is a factor in their decision. It has been repeatedly proven, however, that annoying neighbors can’t stand the sounds of skateboarding at night despite the fact that they choose to live in a loud, metropolitan area.

    And of course there’s always the pack of dudes in the corner smoking weed the entire time. Not saying I don’t like weed and I don’t even have a problem with it per se, but if drugs are associated with skate parks you know the parks department’s just going to use it as leverage against us.

  8. I have a soultion to all this:

    Maybe the Parks Dept. could furnish soft cruiser wheels to us all to switch to when the sun goes down to cut down on the noise.

    Until that fateful day, let’s just police ourselves with a general “no powerslides after dark” policy.

    Oh, and also no nosebonks on metal and/or hollow objects.

    Hopefully those two steps will help stave off an inevitable “carves only after sundown” rule enforcement.

  9. Blame Michael Von Valkenberg he is redesigning most of the cities waterfront rec. areas.

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