It is is 4:17 a.m. and I just recently finished watching the Green Diamond video for the first time (skate shop screenings not counting), and I feel a certain inquiry must be made…

Does anyone know how Kyle Iles takes falls like he does when he is over the age of fourteen? It seems to me that any other individual that has lived an excess of fourteen years would be either hospitalized or spontaneously combust in the event of such falls as presented in this video document being sold now at Autumn, KCDC and Supreme for $10 USD. Does he take vitamins? Eat right? Get a lot of sleep? Acupuncture classes? Drugs? Seriously, what is it? I do not think it is possible for someone in that above-fourteen age bracket to sustain such mishaps without the assistance of some sort of external agent.

Perhaps Kyle smokes PCP. Like the famous scene in The Terminator (the 1984 version, not that piece of shit that they released in theaters a few weeks ago), when a police officer alludes to the possibility of Arnold’s character being on such a substance after punching through a car window and walking away unscathed, it appears quite possible that a similar dynamic is at work here. Skateboarding for fun is one thing. But it seems that valiant efforts at filming really good tricks, like this part seems to be doing, much too commonly fall on deaf ears (or blind eyes), since the target audience for skate videos nowadays has slowly become closet homosexual skateboarders (who only pretend to actually do things on their boards) interested in scrutinizing every possible nuance of someone’s outfit instead of actually appreciating the death-defying feats that the said individual poured his heart and sanity into, rendering efforts at good skateboarding and the target audience a rather mismatched pair. Yet, there is always the possibility that Kyle enjoys falling, or that he is some sort of robotic machine sent from the future. Or it could be an illegal substance helping him live through the trials an tribulations of filming a beyond excellent video part, namely in the realm of a black-dust narcotic substance. Or vitamins. Or the almighty Creator might just have a particular preference for Kyle’s brand of skateboarding and he frequently engages in dialogue with the Lord before and after sessions.

So, to return to my initial point… is there any diet restructuring or yoga classes that everyone else can take to enable sustaining such immense physical hardships when trying tricks on skateboards? Usually, when I fall, my life flashes before my eyes, after which I go home and go to sleep. Is there any way to avoid this?