As it stands, America is 12th worldwide in higher education rates, 34th in life expectancy, and the 16th overall pick for a wishful sperm cell before it becomes a human (making it something like the Royce White of countries.) It has a D+ in overall infrastructure, and the highest incarceration rate in the world.
It is also falling way behind in another metric correlated to high quality of life: ledges.
“Spain. Brazil. Sweden. Denmark. Czech Republic. The Ukraine. All these countries are kicking our ass at #plaza skating.” We are not talking about homogenized California Skatepark creations that yield the same crooked grind nollie flip from Astoria to Stoner. This is about coincidences of granite that were freely skateable before ledges began to fade from America’s cultural heritage during the Bush-Cheney administration. Ledge skating has been outsourced and sent abroad, just like hundreds of other inventions that made America great.
Should it come as any surprise that a Frenchman has dominated L.E.F.S. (Literally Everyone’s Favorite Skater™)-status for the full duration of the current decade? Or that a Brazilian has emerged to potentially claim it in the next several years?
One of Mountain Dew: The Movie‘s more poignant moments was the narrator explaining that Tiago and other Brazilian skaters who are better than every American exist because they must skate in spite of rugged terrain, crime and poverty. Brazil sits twenty places away from us on the “Where to be born”-index, but at least they got ledges. You’re five times more likely to get murdered in Brazil than in the United States — the flip side is that you’re five times less likely to learn fire switch back tails.
Presidential hopefuls may have a tough time “making America great again” through education, healthcare and infrastructure. Freeing the ledges and restoring a once-thriving American export is the easy part …it’s just unlikely that a wealthy toupée’d racist whose New York properties are riddled with skate-deterants is the one bring us there ;) #freetheledges
Yes, this entire post was an excuse to post this Vine :)Tweet