Skateboarding, Rap Videos & Suspension of Disbelief

We grew up in an era where we’d watch two guys get on a plane, get chased out of Teterboro, NJ by a of fleet of Mercedes Benzes, only to crash land in Lybia after Wyclef (their pilot) jumps out of the plane (NOTE: They take the WESTERN route to Libya from New Jersey…), but are then rescued by a bunch of rap-loving Arabs in Hummers, and brought to a party where they save J. Lo from being poisoned by their pilot (again, their pilot is Wyclef), and get showered with gold coins as a reward, which they ignore because they’re too busy dancing in white linen suits.

Everyone who saw that in 1997 thought, “I guess…it COULD happen.” Master P rolling onto a basketball court in a gold tank? “Sure…maybe, right?” Lil’ Scrappy’s Training Day remake? That probably happened somewhere. We’ll buy the plot of the “Been Around the World” video six times over before buying the shit Lil’ Wayne is selling in the “Pop That” video. Below are the five most egregious departures from reality in French Montana’s latest Ciroc commercial and/or music video featuring Wayne, some fat guy, and a Canadian child star who smokes a hookah.

1. Nobody has ever kickflipped into a pool at a party filled with hot Spanish girls shooting water guns, and not received a “This whiteboy crazy” reaction. Like, these broads are seriously cheering this dude on. Only white girls would do that shit. If that.

2. There has never been a party that contained at least one skateboard, where the guy:girl ratio was 5:900 like it is in this video. As soon as someone brings a skateboard to a party, the ratio becomes 8:1 at the very best. Dudes would start talking about draining the pool or something…

3. If the girls in this video weren’t getting paid, and this was real life, they wouldn’t be caught dead near Wayne. “What the fuck is this guy with lip rings doing on a skateboard? Umm…have you seen Drake around?”

4. No Spanish girl with a big ass in the history of Spanish girls with big asses has ever got on a skateboard with all fours, and asked its owner to push her around using her aforementioned big ass as the steering wheel.

5. Hey Wayne, no girl is “sucking a dick for some Truk Fit.” Truk Fit is a “skate apparel brand,” in a generous understanding of the term “skate apparel brand” sort of way, correct? What is an actually successful skate apparel brand? Altamont? Even if a girl sucked a dick for some Altamont, that’d be disgusting.

Thanks Weezy. Way to make Armageddon look like non-fiction. Anyone want to go half on a bottle of Ciroc tonight?

Previously: WorldStar on Skateboarding, Race, & Lil’ Wayne, BREAKING NEWS: Lil’ Wayne “Over” Skateboarding?, Weezy F. Tee Shirt, Carter IV: Alternate Cover, Lil Wayne Has Been Skateboarding Since [at least] 1998

18 Comments

  1. LOL this post is hilarious but I thoroughly enjoyed the video….. would have been on uncut at 3AM back in the day

    by the way number 3 sums it up so the other points are redundant.

  2. In light of the recent Supreme “No Limit” tank snap-back sell through, it’s pertinent to point out that, Lil Wayne, the biggest rapper (and skater?) in the world, has mistaken his preferences for 2007-era Ice Cream’s enervated candy cartoon graphics as contemporary “skate cool,” reproducing it’s aesthetic precisely in his new “skate” apparel line Trukfit, when, ironically, had he returned to the “bling bling” Photoshop philosophy of “hotness” circa-1999’s “Tha Block Is Hot” for his clothing label, he would be more “forward” than anyone but the “coolest” (Supreme) on the “trend spectrum.”

  3. real talk lil wayne is killing it, in terms of name dropping his brand, he said trukfit like 5 times

    and i agree with lucien. trukfit is like a lame rehash of ice cream graphics…

  4. I almost had to point out the possible exception to rule #4 of Shorty’s Rosa, but, yeah, the “using her ass as a steering wheel bit,” Rosa was above that kind of shit. Bring back Shorty’s Rosa?


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