The Quartersnacks office usually abides by Young Dro’s “If it ain’t Ralph, it ain’t got nothing to do with us” rule. This means we avoid factory skate gear, but sometimes, you have to give credit outside the Lifshitz family when it’s due.

It turns out that Altamont is more than a sponsor-me tape consulting firm. They actually make clothes. Some of these clothes were thoughtfully made with broke skateboarders in mind. There has not been a more seamless appropriation of a socialite skateboarder’s nightly activities to his regular skateboard routine since the release of Dylan Reider’s (admittedly more fashionable) scene-friendly shoe.

Someone is going to point out that Nike already made a jacket that accommodates a six-pack, but they misunderstand the two respective companies’ target markets. Nike, as the world’s largest sports company, likely intended for their piece to hold a six-pack of a hydrating beverage like Gatorade or SmartWater. Altamont, as an employer of prominent beer-drinking skateboarders (and the non-beer-drinking Theotis Beasley, who, given his board sponsor, has invaluable firsthand experiences of sharing tour vans and hotels with the most infamous beer-drinking skateboarders that exist) only had one intention in mind, and that’s beer.

Being a New York skateboard media enterprise, we are subject to what are inevitably the highest alcohol prices in the country. If you’re a real scumbag without a real job, who still likes to hit the town every night, you probably live under the constant threat of eviction due to this fact. At merely $60, this wonderful piece of technology saves you money. Let’s give a middle-ground estimate that the average cost of a beer with $1 tip in Manhattan is $7. This thing holds six bottles, so $7 multiplied by six equals $42. Wavy Mike sells a six-pack of Heinekens for $11 — wait, you’re poor — so a six-pack of Budweisers for $8. Altamont helps you save $34 for every six beers you drink if you use their system for sneaking them inside bars, clubs, etc. Let’s not even get into the intangible costs it eliminates by helping you avoid bar lines. 12 beers, and you’ve saved $68, $8 more than what you paid for the hoody. The design’s sole flaw is the absence of built-in features to prevent touch detection, thus making the garment useless for sneaking beer into places that pat you down before entry. (Perhaps a feature on a 2.0 model?)

Mad discreet.

In a recent post about the new Manhattan Bridge skatepark, a commenter remarked that the park’s designers did not understand the flow of a skateboarder (up for debate.) By that same token, it’s obvious that the majority of today’s skateboard clothing designers do not understand the flow of a skateboarder’s lifestyle: from being psyched to skate, to being frustrated in under twenty minutes, to focusing a board, and finally ending at booze. This thing makes being poor and enjoying beer so much easier. Thank you Altamont for “getting” it.