Throughout the Josh Kalis / Love Park Epicly Later’d episode, a recent Murk Avenue installment, and of course, a well thought-out plan to bring New York City “the romance of the handsome cab, without the guilt or the dander of the equine,” there have been hints as to why skateboarders should embrace the assistance of a largely under-employed population, one that we encounter on a day-to-day basis: crackheads. Seeing as how we both often occupy similar spaces (i.e. have you ever been to Lenox Ledges or did you know that Ziegfeld is the home of the original “Ninjas Killed My Family. Need Money For Kung Fu Lessons” cardboard sign?), it is only right that we start utilizing their low-cost services and ready-to-work attitude with a higher regard for the possibilities. An alliance must be formed in an age when street skating is getting tougher. We need help lifting heavy objects, and committing petty acts of vandalism against skate-proofing materials.

Kalis received two Love Park tiles for $1,000. I’m willing to bet that he could have gotten at least five pink planters removed from there, and thrown off the Benjamin Franklin Bridge after a bit of negotiating. If the figures presented in the aforementioned Murk Avenue episode were to be taken as fact (A box for $20, a skatepark for $200 and a case of Steel Reserves), they could easily be translated to combat some of the more discouraging measures against us recent history.

How long has that planter been sitting at CBS? Like ten years? A few $5 bills, and some 40s from the midtown Le Basket on 53rd Street could easily get the dirt dug out, have the thing lifted, and carried through the Theater District to be dumped into the Hudson River in under an hour.

What about those seven or eight planters at Ziegfield? $10 and a tall boy of Bud per planter. While skateboarders would simply move them, only to see them back at their original spot and probably fastened better upon your next visit to the spot, we need to offer these monetary / alcoholic incentives to have these things thrown into a body of water, without risking criminal mischief charges.

That entire block of knobbed ledges at Dag Park on 47th Street? Get a team of two and a thirty pack, put it in the middle of the block, give them crowbars, have them start at opposite ends of the spot and race to the middle. First one there takes all thirty.

Please include any ideas for prominent candidates in the comments. It’s time to start securing the future for New York City skateboarding. “Now that’s the first sensible idea I heard all day!”