For much of the skateboard population, and the population of those who just carry around skateboards to match their sneakers, Supreme remains an enigmatic force. All of you hate it, citing that it is not a “real” skateshop, yet all of you turn around, lace up your cute “Send Help” Dunks under your size 30 (when you really wear a size 34, it’s just a lot more comfortable to have them sag halfway down your thighs so people can check out the back pockets) Japanese Levi’s and aimlessly walk in a circle, perusing the various “non-skateboard” items lying on their shelves. To most of you “The Back” is a mystery (notice, “The Back” of Supreme constitutes as a proper noun, as indicated by the MLA). “Do you have any more in the back?” or “Is there anything else in the back?” are all phrases etched into your minds, in that they give you a sense of hope, and new beginning, kind of like the American Frontier. When the color that matches your Dunks isn’t out on the shelves, there is always hope in the back, for a brighter future. Why does the store randomly close for two weeks? I recently read on some website where grown men discuss stitching detail on their jeans that it is because the staff takes off to go snowboarding for a week, thus having to close the store. Why is everyone there such an asshole? Why did they diss me when I asked for a discount? Why won’t they set-up my skateboard?

Most of you just hate Supreme because you don’t have answers to these questions. You want to know, but can’t. But you still wait in like in sixteen-degree weather to buy a red box logo tee anyway, even though it’s not a “real” skateshop. The majority of you will never know about the endless line of unreleased Nike SBs, the crackle-print Speedos with box logos at the crotch, the private indoor skatepark, or the A-Bomb factory in the back of Supreme.

This came in the mail the other day. (Yes, it really was on Mickey Mouse paper.)

Do you remember the “End of Summer” clip? At the end of it, there was a young, Asian gentlemen who muttered the immortal words “Poosy ass nigga?” and “Hi! No Homo!” which I’m sure have all been committed to memory. Well, his name was Crazy Motherfucker (self-abbreviated to CMF). I’m not quite sure who gave him this name, I think it was either Pryce or Mooney, but that doesn’t really matter.

On a late August day, CMF walked into Supreme holding the DVD box to the movie Kids. He then proceeded to ask the gentleman at the counter “Where can I find these people?” in a heavy Japanese-accent, not unlike 75% of the people who go into the store and cannot pronounce R’s. Before the kind man at the counter could answer, in walked Matt Mooney.

“Ah! Telly!” yelled the young Japanese boy, as he quickly scrambled for his camera to forever cement the image of the man in photograph.

As Mooney met Mr. Gigliotti, Mr. Holmes, Mr. Gorecki, myself and other members of our Quarter Snacks business enterprise, we took CMF with us so that he may explore the city, which he still thought was stuck in 1995.

It should be noted that upon leaving the holy box-logo emblazoned threshold of Supreme, CMF bowed down to Ryan Hickey and wished him “A nice life.” He later stated that Ryan Hickey and Chris Keefe (pronounced ‘Keefie’) were his favorite skateboarders. And the name Eric Koston was not familiar to him. The majority of the english language that he is familiar with is also derivative of Kids as well. Teaching our friend CMF english was probably the only good that ever came out of that movie altogether.

Fast forward five months down the line, this letter comes in the mail:

He also sent a bunch of photos from days he lead his conquest amidst the city streets. Click to enlarge. Captions go clockwise:

1. Stickers. 2. Some street, I’m guessing in SoHo. 3. Toursim 4. Real subtle.

5. Tourism part II 6. Censored. 7. TF2 8. Somebody I don’t know.

9. The holiest of holy sites! 10. The wall next to where Mooney used to work. 11. BB and CMF inside of the place where Mooney used to work. 12. Mr. Holmes and CMF.

13. That thing that’s on the wall at Supreme 14. The other thing that’s on the wall at Supreme 15. Carl and CMF 16. Dymond, 2 people I don’t know, and a dog.

17. See, they do put together boards! Only for CMF though. 18. The rest of those you’re going to have to grip yourself. 19. The back of Ty’s head and somebody I can’t recognize 20. The front of Ty’s head.

21. The place Mooney used to work. 22. He stills hangs out there even though he doesn’t get paid for it 23. Pryce gets paid across the street 24. I seriously can’t tell who the hell is in this picture.

25. CMF <3 Clientle 26. Why the hell are these pictures all red? 27. Double exposure! Mr. Gigliotti throwing gang signs in true Cali form while Gorecki stands around. 28. You already know what it is.

29-31. Tourism parts III, IV & V 32. Art Part I

33. CMF <3 police. 34. David. 35. That better be the legend himself, 50 Cent! 36. Art Part II

37. CMF ready to sip lean, pop a pill, bust a flow, hit the club, see a broad he can’t stand, cuss the ho 38. CMF inhaling smoke. 39. CMF killing it 40. CMF killing it again

An open letter to the people of Japan:

We, the people of the United States of America, as represented by Quarter Snacks Enterprises Inc. wish to offer you a trade of one of our citizens, for one of yours.

We feel that it would work well on both ends if you were to allow us to have a man known only as “Crazy Motherfucker” (pronounced Crayzee Mazzerfacker), in exchange for Danny Weiss (depicted below).

Please consider our offer and inform us of your decision after having thought it over.